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Which
sexual position produces the ugliest children?
Ask your mother.
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How
do you embarrass an archeologist?
Give him a used tampon and ask him which period it came from.
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What
did the cannibal do after he dumped his girlfriend?
Wiped his ass.
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What's
the difference between oral sex and anal sex?
Oral sex makes your day, anal sex makes your hole weak.
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What's
the difference between a bitch and a whore?
A whore sleeps with everybody at the party, and a bitch sleeps
with everybody at the party except you.
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What's
the difference between love, true love, and showing off?
Spitting, swallowing and gargling.
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What's
so good about an Ethiopian blow job?
You know she'll swallow.
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What's
the difference between a Catholic wife and a Jewish wife?
A Catholic wife has real orgasms and fake jewelry.
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How
many mice does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Two. The hard part is getting them in the light bulb.
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When
is a pixie not a pixie?
When he's got his head up a fairy's skirt, then he's a goblin'.
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What's
the definition of a Yankee?
Same thing as a "quickie", only you do it yourself.
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What
makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of
driving.
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What
is the biggest problem for an atheist?
No one to talk to during orgasm.
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What
do you call a smart blonde?
A golden retriever.
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What
do you call an Amish guy with his hand up a horse's ass?
A mechanic!
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Who
is the most popular guy at the nudist colony?
The guy who can carry a cup of coffee in each hand and a dozen
donuts.
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Who
is the most popular girl at the nudist colony?
She is the one who can eat the last donut!
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How
can you tell which is the head nurse?
The one with the dirty knees.
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What
is the difference between a battery and a woman?
A battery has a positive side.
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A
brunette, a blonde, and a redhead are all in third grade: Who has
the biggest tits?
The blonde, because she's 18.
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Why
do men snore when they lay on their backs?
Because their balls fall over their asshole and they vapor lock.
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The
three words most hated by men during sex?
"Are you In?" or "Is It In?"
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Three
words women hate to hear when having sex:
"Honey, I'm home!"
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Why
do men take showers instead of baths?
Pissing in the bath is disgusting.
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Did
you hear about the new paint called "Blonde" paint?
It's not very bright, but it spreads easy.
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Do
you know why they call it the Wonder Bra?
When you take it off you wonder where her tits went.
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When
I die, I want to die like my grandfather who died peacefully in
his sleep.
Not screaming like all the passengers in his car.
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How
can you tell a macho women?
She rolls her own tampons.
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What's
the leading cause of death among lesbians?
Hair balls.
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What's
good on a pizza, but bad on a pussy?
Crust.
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Why
does Miss Piggy douche with honey?
Because Kermit loves sweet and sour pork. |
